Джефф, ты прекрасен!) Моффат может писать комедию -)) Привела лишь чуток.
Актуально!)
"Women think we are normal. Like them. Cause we talk to them like normal people. We say ‘Hello’, ‘How are you’, ‘Haven’t seen you in this place before’, ‘What kind of music do YOU like?’ But all the time in our brains we’ve got the word “breasts” on a loop. If we ever lost control for a second, we’d all start shouting ‘breasts, breasts, breasts, breaastsss’…"
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Вдохновенно про задницы)
"Do you know what arses are, Patrick? Arses are the human race's favourite thing. We like them on each other, we like them on magazine covers, we even like them on babies! When it itches, we like to scratch them, when its cold, we like to warm them, and who among us, in a lonely moment hasn't reached back for a discreet fondle? When God gave us our arses he had to stick them round the back just so we wouldn't sit and stare at them all day. Cause when God made the arse he didn't say "Hey it's just your basic hinge, let's knock off early." He said "Behold ye angels, I have created the arse. Throughout the ages to come, men and women shall grab hold of these and shout my name!""
читать дальше***
Бедняга))
Jeff: I am a prison for sperms. Those poor little tadpoles have been sentenced to life in Jeff Murdock's groin. And let me tell you, that can be a pretty lonely place.
Steve: I'm sure you always... lend a hand.
Jeff: Well, yeah, there's that. But that's not what the boys are wanting, is it? See, they want to think they're going somewhere when they go. I keep thinking about my brave lads all excited on the launch pad, and then suddenly it's "Ohh, no! Daylight!"
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Про лезбиянок.
"Being a lesbian. All the advantages of being a man but with less embarrassing genitals. Plus, every time you have sex, there's four breasts! Two guest breasts and two you can take home afterwards, oh, it's bloody brilliant!"
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Понесло при знакомстве)
"Ah! You can read… I mean, you are reading. Sorry. It’s nice to see people reading. Not a lot of people read these days. People prefer to… hear. But all this ‘hearing’ is just reading for lazy people. Kids today should be prepared to pick up a book, and not just go around the whole time with all these modern… ears. Sometimes I just wanna rip people’s ears off and say ‘Read a book, for God’s sake!’… Well, actually I’d probably say ‘Read a book’ first and then rip their ears off, otherwise they wouldn’t hear me, hehehe… Actually, I probably wouldn’t rip their ears off at all, I’m not a violent person. I like ears! Especially women ears, they’re my favorite. I don’t mean I collect them or anything! I don’t have a big bucket of women ears hidden away somewhere. No, No, No, I’m not after your ears really. Not that there’s anything wrong with your ears! You know if I was some kind of mad ear person, your ears would be the pride of my… ear bucket."
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Тяжелое детство...
"I just love the word "naked". When I was a kid I used to write it hundreds of times on a piece of paper and then rub my face in it. It's better than sex!"
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Про сложные отношения с девушками)
"I tried smiling at her once, I destroyed a water cooler!"
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Про эрекцию))
Steve: Should you kiss her now or does that mean you gotta start from the top again?
Jeff: Should you be making noises yet? Is it too soon to grunt?
Steve: [snaps fingers] And then, the killer - out of nowhere, for no reason you can think of, you call her [huskily] "baby."
Jeff: You never called her "baby" before.
Steve: You've never called anyone "baby" before.
Jeff: So why did you just call her "baby"? Suddenly you're starting to blush.
Steve: Now, you're blushing and you've got an erection. No-one's got enough blood!
Jeff: [Scotty voice] The engines, Cap'n! They cannae take it!
Steve: Then the Melty Man hits you with his secret weapon.
Jeff: Just one single thought is placed in your mind at this crucial time.
Steve: "Please God! Don't let me lose my erection!"
Jeff: [hand goes down] Pufff.
Patrick: [with terror and disbelief] How do you guys manage to have sex?
Steve: ["duh!" voice] We don't.
Jeff: I haven't had sex in years.
Steve: It's just not possible anymore.
Jeff: We are followers of the Melty Man.
Steve: And you're one of us now.